Ethel Has Coon Eyes.

It's not funny. Poor Grandma Apple, my lovely, beautiful Grandma Ethel fell and has a cast on her left arm, two coon eyes and a bruised head. Her fingers are all blue and swollen and she's pissed as hell about it all. As well she should be. She tells me she went to the store with her son Ron and made it all the way through the damn store isles, pushing herself along in her old walker and then she falls in the lobby of her apartment complex. It just isn't a bit funny.

(Grandma Apple is the pretty one dressed in Red)

I can't blame her for being angry, I'd be pissed too. But she says she isn't in pain. In fact, her pain tolerance is amazing, she only takes tylenol and hasn't got any pain she says. Even now she pushes herself around with her walker like she dares you.... double dares you to get in her way.

I find out about the mishap from my cousin Pammy. She called me today to tell me about Grandma's fall, hadn't I heard? Well, I guess her son Norm didn't think it was important; he was too busy firing his grandaughter at work today. He's a very busy and important man.

If I wasn't leaving for Seattle on Friday a.m., I would stay a few days. I will go to the doctor with her and Ron in the morning. I will be back as soon as I can.

I love Grandma Ethel and have enjoyed our times together here in Grand Forks in her apartment since Grandpa died. When I come here we have a drink together before supper just like she and Grandpa used to have every night. She really enjoys that I can tell. The relaxation of it, the intimacy of sharing a moment to just relax and talk. She gets meals on wheels and saves the bread in her freezer. They always bring too much food she says. She eats in the dining room on weekends. I remember when I first started coming soon after she moved in, she sniggered at the people who brought tupperware to supper and piled on extra food so they could take some home in their containers. It was only a matter of a year or two that she started doing the same thing. Seems it's nice to have a little extra dinner around when meals on wheels takes a holiday.

She hated my Escalade. I thought of her when I sold it and am anticipating a car that will haul her around easier. In spite of it, we would drive around town, or to see Libby in Michigan, or to the farm or just go out to lunch when it was nice outside. I had to hoist her skinny ass up in the seat and it was too much for her dignity. She complained all the time about it, but it was my only vehicle. She was actually scared of falling or getting hurt. But a tangle with her trusted walker was in fact what took her down and gave her coon eyes.

She has her hair done every week. Always has. Grandpa used to drive her to her appointments. She still loves to pamper herself and to look beautiful. It's important to her. I am always shocked when I see her get ready for bed. She puts a cap on her hair to keep it nice. She takes out her teeth and puts on her cotton gown. When she comes out to say goodnight she looks like an old lady. But when she gets up in the morning, that's the Grandma we all know and love. That's the one who presents herself to others with honor and dignity, as if she is a gift to them.

I remember when she was at the assisted living in St. Joseph, she wanted a new blazer. It was spring and the very change in season made her want something new. I took her shopping and she bought a sassy red blazer from J.C. Penny. She really loved that thing, I could tell she felt pretty in it. But I never saw her wear it. She was saving it for something special. She is a saver.

She loves to play bingo. Always has. It seems to be her way of cheating the man. Really sticking it to him...And by God, she wins ALL THE TIME. She is the luckiest person I know. She liked slots too and would sit and plug in nickels whenever she could. She actually was in withdrawals when she moved to Grand Forks because they didn't offer bingo in her place. She had this WHO DOESN't PLAY BINGO look on her face at all times. They finally started offering it, I think my dad paid them to offer bingo for her and the others. She always came away with more prizes, candy bars, stuffed animals and coupons for dinner in the diner than anyone. It makes her giddy I could just tell when she's show me her winnings.

By the way... who at 50 whatever I am still has a grandma? Seriously folks. Most of my friends are taking care of their ailing parents. One of them right now is doctoring with her mom, another is doctoring with his mother in law. One friend just buried her mother and another just buried her mother in law. Me? I have the good fortune of young parents and I STILL HAVE A GRANDMA!

My sweater story says it best:

A few Christmas' ago, I found a beautiful heavy cable knit, bubblegum pink sweater at a boutique called Acorn in Edina for Grandma. It was a rare find and Grandma loved it. So much so she wanted to wear it all the time. Trouble was I bought a small. (She is tiny in the shoulders and top but has a wide bottom...(thanks a lot Grandma Ethel...can all the Hanson girls say that in unison?) Well, a few months later I find this out as my dad had taken it home and never told me. Apparently he isn't aware of the importance of bubble gum pink heavy cable knit sweaters. Well, so when I learned of it, I said, well I never get to Edina, but sure I will see if they have the next size. (Where the hell did I put the receipt) Miraculously I kept it and brought the sweater back to exchange it for a medium. No problem. It was on sale. BONUS! So I kept the small and bought her a medium. I brought it to her myself to make sure all was a go... but well, it was not a go. It was narrow at the hips... you know... the small chest larger hips thing? So she pulled it over her hips and stretched it out and pulled and tugged. NO GO. So, I said, no problem, I am sure they will have a large. By this time, the large would be fine in the hips, but sleeves too long and shoulders sagging... but this didn't matter. She said, here...hold it up to your hips and make sure it goes all the way around like this. OK Grandma. No problem. Another trip to Acorn in Edina and I am standing in line with now with a large in exchange for a medium. The woman behind the counter says this is pretty, I love the color. I said, yes, I need to exchange it for my grandma, she is very particular and needs it bigger around the hips. This is my third trip here. She really loves this sweater. She looks up at me and looks me right in the face with that, you-are-too-old-to-still-have-a-grandmother-look, and thinks "nice try" but says, "you mean your mother."

I say "HA! NO. I mean my grandmother! I still have one and I am so bless!"

I now have a bubblegum pink heavy cable knit sweater (her original small... and just right in the hips by the way) just because I think it's cool that me at 50 something woman and Grandma Ethel at 94 and some change both have a bubblegum pink, heavy cable knit sweater that fits.

I love my grandma very much and please pray for her healing, and a happy and peaceful end to her long and fruitful life. Did I mention she will be 95 in April?