Saying Goodbye

Selmer would have been beaming from ear to ear. I can just see him sitting at a table, with a cup of coffee cupped in his large hands talking to one of his nephews, nieces or family member. He would have loved to see all his loved ones, remaining sister, but many nieces and nephews and grandchildren and great grandchildren... all those who could come, at his memorial service. It was a good day. The church was packed with family and friends who traveled as far as California, Washington State, Colorado, Arizona and who knows where else just to pay their last respects. Selmer had 11 great grandchildren, 13 grandchildren, countless nieces and nephews, grand nieces and nephews, one remaining sister and her family along with many community, bowling golf and church friends. What a lovely tribute to the man who started out without a family, as he was orphaned as a 6 year old boy, and in his last day of rememberence a complete and loving family that he built and nurtured, filled the room. Everyone gathered and talked in the entry way, not quite knowing what to do at a memorial service in contrast to a funeral. There's no viewing and paying last respects. Although Carol put together a great photo display chronicling his life. Once the ceremony started, Doug shared a few memories and Greg eulogized Selmer's life, sharing the day he and Doug were able to pray with Selmer and then Selmer's own real and visable encounter with Christ on Easter Sunday. The text is posted on the memorial website http://www.selmer-hanson.forevermissed.com/. Betty concluded the ceremony with her own personal and loving memories of her Dad. Adam Josh and Jordy played and sang Grace Like Rain, we said the apostles creed, which I still know by heart from my days in confirmation. Braums Lulaby was played by Sena on piano and Ben on the Viola. According to the bulletin, the Lutheran Funeral service is a Worship service. The Lutherans still have not gotten over their knack for high pitched hymns in a low pitched world. We all tried to screech a hearty Great is Thy Faithfulness in one accord as the final hymn.

The pastor found Selmer's confirmation verse, which I didn't know they gave. His was Psalms 37: Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. This verse fit Selmer's life as I see it. Apparently he was confirmed in the country church that merged with this one, which I didn't know... his confirmation photo was in the lobby.  

The service ended and the American Legion gave Doris a flag in remembrence of his days in the military. It was a lovely tribute to Selmer and there were many tears by the men presenting the flag. And of course there was a little lunch afterwards in the kitchen and everyone stayed to reminisce. The ladies aide served delicious, cheesey potatoes, ham, buns and cake. There were so many people there, they ran out of food for them all.

Selmer Hanson

Each of us has our own memories of Selmer and each is as unique as the relationship. For me it’s important to record some of them as a tribute to Selmer, a great Father in law and wonderful man.

I was 19 when I was introduced to Selmer, my soon to be, but I didn't know it yet father in law. Dennis and I were both attending St. Cloud State University when Selmer and Doris drove to St. Cloud in the spring to see Dennis and the campus.

We went on an outing to Riverside Park near the campus, we walked around and enjoyed the early cold spring in the park. Selmer took photos of the park and the river and me in varying poses behind a tree. He enjoyed photography and made slides out of his photos. Most of his photos of family events, trips and people were preserved in slide form and he bought a projector to view them. The slides were probably because it was less expensive than prints and movies, and you could always print the best photos. The slides could be projected on the wall, they were not quite family movies, but the next best thing at the time to record the history of a life and growing family.

Ok, I admit to a very fuzzy recollection of all of this. All I remember is that it was chilly and we were in the park. I was a stranger to everyone, barely dating Dennis...but liked him a lot...so we had all just met. But, Selmer was engaging, warm and friendly. As I observed through the years he had the gift of conversation at appropriate times and he could make small talk for hours. This gift he passed on to Doug and Dennis. This was one of his charms. Selmer would be known to most of those he knew as humorous, kindly and generous.

OK NEW INFORMATION!~It was Dennis, who was crazy about me, taking all those pictures in the park with his dad's camera... which makes much more sense.

Selmer had lots of hobbies over the years I knew him. Besides photography, he enjoyed gardening and botany. It may have been by necessity more than leisure that he had a very large garden, but whatever the reason, he had the greenest thumb I’ve ever seen. He grew large potted plants in the house, had a green house to start vegetables for the garden in the spring. He grew all types of vegetables, plants, bushes, trees and flowers. He liked to experiment with varieties also. Much of the garden was started in the basement greenhouse on the workbench with grow lights, dirt and seed.

He was well studied in all these endeavors, mostly self study, with magazines, books and manuals. But at times I remember hearing that he took classes to improve his basic knowledge. When his kids grew, he remodeled the small house for his growing family so his boys could have the upstairs for a bedroom and the family TV room would be downstairs. He had the wood rough sawed for the basement and made a fitting family room that would be used for years. A much needed second shower was put in the laundry room in later years when there were 5 teenagers in the house alongside two adults. Selmer did all these things by hand. He was industrious and resourceful all the while he was able to raise a family of seven comfortably.

In the early years, I remember the colorful coleus Selmer grew in pots and in the garden and the house plants that always grew and thrived. He also always kept an immaculate yard. The trees were always trim and the yard cut. He put his boys to work to help him in all of these things, I’m told by Dennis these were among his chores. In having his kids help, he was teaching them self sufficiency, discipline and the value of hard work. They are very industrious and resourceful to this day and this is one of the things I admire greatly in Selmer. He raised wonderful, hard working, honorable sons. I have to think this was one of his legacies.

I admire people who self-study in pursuit of a hobby or craft. Selmer grew grapes and made his own wine. He also picked choke cherries, dandelions and other fruit to make all kinds of wines. He wasn’t a drinker, but he loved to experiment with them using all kinds of fruit. Dennis and I both enjoyed a jug of his homemade choke cherry wine one night shortly after we met... but that's a story for another time and place. Selmer also made his own maple syrup later on from the maples on his property in Wisconsin. He ran lines and in the spring he’d haul the buckets of syrup up and down the hills. He enjoyed being outside, his dog Ralph following close at his side.

He loved his dogs, Toby for starters. I’d never met this dog, but it comes back often in sayings through Dennis in the winter when we all hear, “It’s colder than Toby’s butt out here.” But I came into the family when Sam was alive. After Sam passed, there wasn’t a dog around for a while, except those that Betty brought home. This included Ralph, who was Bette’s but when she moved away from home, Ralph stayed on. Ralph became Selmer’s best friend and they walked the hills together for years until Ralph just never came home. Then along came Jack who he also cared for well in his last days on memory.

I will always remember Selmer working hard. When we’d bring our growing family to Grandpa and Grandma Hanson’s he was hospitable even after a long days work. When we were having our children, his first grandchildren, he and Doris were in the throes of working. They were still raising their own family. But I always felt as if they were there for us. Selmer would help us with our garden, our home repairs and any of the other things that he could help with. He also enjoyed our children while his own children were still home.

Later after he and Doris retired and moved to Wisconsin, he helped us paint our home, he helped Dennis set up a shop in the garage; he helped us till our garden, he helped us build shelving and whatever else we needed that he could help with. For me he made a wall of book shelves and a cupboard. He made me end tables that would match my bedroom set. He made my girls’ hope chests and many other wonderful wood projects that I treasure today. He also enjoyed golf and bowling. I can only imagine how he enjoyed being with his golfing and bowling teams. He was a great bowler apparently and being new to golf after he retired, he fought hard for a good score. He loved the game and enjoyed being out of doors.

When he retired, Selmer was there for our family when we needed his help and he always worked hard on our behalf, never expecting anything in return. He enjoyed helping us build our life and our family; it seemed to give him great satisfaction. He was generous with his time and talents. He did this for all of his kids, neighbors, friends and relatives.

Selmer loved a cookie or bar in the afternoon with his coffee. It often broke up his day of yard or wood working, or clearing snow or gardening. He actually got a bit testy if he didn’t have something available. Selmer loved lemon meringue pie; lemon bars and he loved rhubarb sauce, which Doris made easily and well. I too love rhubarb and lemon pie and now I make it in his honor. He also grew horseradish and made a crazy hot horseradish that he shared. I may even try my hand at planting horseradish… at least I’ll ask Dennis to do so.

Selmer enjoyed a drive; he enjoyed a visit with friends. He bowled, played horseshoes, golfed, canoed, and shot archery at different points in his life. He really enjoyed the family reunion. We would hear about it for months and the date was blazoned on our minds, as was the picnic meal of fried chicken and dish to pass. We weren’t always able to attend, and we always got the roll call of who was in attendance. He recounted those who came the farthest distance; often his brother Bunny’s kids from the west coast would make his day. His immediate family and extended family gave him great joy. He took great pride in doing his part in keeping the family in touch at least once a year at the reunion.

In his final years, the early love and tenderness he had for Doris became evident once again. His eyes glimmered when he saw her. In the work of raising a family and making a living, all through life’s stages, they remained a strong force through thick and thin. They experienced an enduring love and care for each other, enjoying the rewards of the life they worked so hard to build.

It was just a few months into his disease that he and Doris, Doug, Linda and Dennis and I took a drive to Park Rapids to the Threshing Days. It was a great day and the morning after he came into the kitchen and told me he'd like to call a family meeting to talk about his disease. His memory was already fading and things were a bit confused for him and he was well aware of it. This is the first time I'd ever seen Selmer communicate with his family. I thought it touching that he told me he wanted to call a meeting. I guess he knew I wouldn't shut up until it was done. We all decided that we should have it now while he remembered asking for it, not until all the family could get together in Wisconsin. Not everyone was present, but we could relay anything he said to the others given the circumstances. We gathered outside in our porch and Selmer had the floor. Linda and I were there too, even though we aren't blood. I guess we were family enough. Selmer told us that he had about 6 month before he wouldn't be able to know anything anymore. He told us his disease is terminal. This from the man who did much self study. He told us to each read the book on his disease that the doctors gave him. He said he gets angry sometimes and doesn't mean to. He doesn't want to hurt anyone. I was touched as were the others that he was being so honest and vulnerable. He said he so often wanted to get his gun and shoot himself, but he couldn't. (Well, Doris hid the bullets long ago). He expressed in such a calm way his frustration and his heart about what we can expect. He said he knows Doris won't be able to take care of him, he won't like being put in a home, but he knows it will have to happen. He shared his love for his family with these words of honesty. After the family meeting was over, we were saddened, but relieved at the same time. It was the beginning of his end. That Christmas he entered the home in Coon Rapids. He was there a few months and while there, Dennis and I were able to take him out for an afternoon.

The photos taken here were of our last real outing with Selmer. He was just in the home for a few months and hated it. He always wondered in his confused state when he was going home. I knew he enjoyed gardening and flowers, so we decided to take him on an outing to the St. Paul Conservatory. It was near his birthday and spring was a way off. But he was feeling cooped up.It really was a beautiful day for all.  We started it out with a huge breakfast at Kays Cafe somewhere near Como Park if I recall. Selmer ate a huge Sunday dinner with turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes and green beans. He finished it off with a piece of apple pie and ice cream. (At least this is what I recall). We were all full and happy and drove over to the conservatory. Dennis dropped us off and we met to walk around the lovely flowers and greenery. This made Selmer feel right at home. He loved growing things and being outdoors. He could walk still then, and it wasn't a few months later he was confined to a wheel chair. We feel so fortunate that we had this time with him. His mind was not there, but glimpses of his personality still shined through. He seemed at peace and enjoyed the outing. We even had a chance to watch a Sloth move ever so slowly on exhibit in a tree. It was indeed slothful, but moving slowly as it was feeding time.

Dennis and I marvel that this was the last time we would be with the Selmer we knew. We both cried together on the way home realizing the Selmer we knew and loved was forever gone. 

Beyond the Veil

I started this blog a few days before my father in law, Selmer Eugene Hanson passed away early in the morning, January 19, 2012.  Doris, Dennis, Doug and Linda, Greg and Cheri were all at his side as he went beyond the veil. God is good.

 

Dennis knew instinctively to fly home after hearing his dad was ill with pneumonia and had only a few days left. I have been present when both my grandparents left this earth and obviously when my children were born. It truly is an amazing experience being present while a loved one passes beyond the veil. 

 

I’ve even had the honor of being present when GG was born via C Section. Now that I think of it, she was the only grandchild I was in the room with when she was born. That was amazing seeing her practically pop out of her mom, be handed over to her dad to cut the cord.

Beyond the veil there’s a world we don’t see or understand, but it is there just the same. 

This week, I awoke very concerned about Naarah, even feared her survival. So I prayed when I lay awake at night, I pray as I went in and out of sleep. This is how it works for me.

Days before Coolidge Arrived

A few days ago, I was thinking about Coolidge and this perfect baby soon to arrive and God's hand in of protection over us. The scripture "We are fearfully and wonderfully made" came to mind. God cares for us, He knows Naarahs Body, he knows Coolidge and all his needs.  So, as we prayed together as a family, Dennis, Jada and Shammai in Arizona on the phone, Adriel, Jason and I with Naarah just before her procedure, (we tried to reach Lasha, but she didn't pick up in time). I read Psalm 139 from the message Bible and we each prayed for the Doctor's wisdom and skill and Naarah's and Coolidges safety.The doctor later said that she indeed had the disease, but everything went as good as it could have.

With all this death and life stuff swirling in my head this morning, and with Naarah in a dangerous situation with her pregnancy... I am sure of one thing: There is only a thin veil separating life and death, hiding a world so vast that it holds not only those who’ve past, but maybe even those yet to come. 

Today, January 16, I will be near my daughter’s side when her 4th child arrives; her second son. This precious boy is my 11th grandchild, my fourth grandson. They are all so precious to me, each one unique and special.

I have been in Washington enjoying my 5 grandchildren. I sleep with one or two a night, which brings me great joy and fulfilliment. Having little arms wrapped around my neck at night, little knees poking into my back brings an odd sense of fulfillment that I can’t explain. My heart fills with Joy when Violet Joy hugs my head early in the morning and says, “Good Morning, Grandma.” And when Emi says I love you grandma with a glee that makes it so believable it thrills my heart.

Even Addy and Lincoln, both under two grin from ear to ear when they see me. It takes work and time getting to know these little ones, as they are each different people and are in development. Their personalities are strong, willful and their inner beings all in place the minute they arrive, even as they are being knit together in the womb.

So we have multiplied our family starting with 6, and we are now with a family of 18, not including pets.

It wasn't moments ago when Naarah woke me after recieving a text that Selmer passed with his loved ones at his side. He lived well and died well.

Thank you Jesus.God is good.

The Grinch Stole Christmas: Or...No Room For Them in the Inn: 2011

This Christmas was destined to be an odd one.

For someone who loved to have her kids all around her at Christmas time...well all the time, it wasn't going to happen this year. Jada and Shammai were off to Seattle to be with Adriel and Naarah, so I asked Lasha if she'd have us at her house on Christmas Day. I knew she intended to have her first Christmas with her own tribe, so I told her we'd come on Christmas Day.  Dennis and I decided to drive. We timed it perfectly, I packed the trunk with gifts and cookies... and we drove 2 days through Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas and finally Missouri to get some grandkid time on Christmas Day with Lasha's family.

This would be Dennis and my first Christmas eve alone. So I found a bed and breakfast close enough by Kansas City, in Wichita, so the drive Christmas morning would be short, but long enough to give the kids time to get their act together. I found a bed and breakfast: Serenity Inn in Wichita...



Don't Even Think Of Staying Here! EVER!



Before leaving Arizona, I called Ken, the owner, to see if they served dinner on site so we could have a quiet evening and it would all be planned. Ken said they served dinner on site and he emailed me the menu telling me how excited he was to show off their cooking for us.

We were excited... we bought each other gifts...and looked forward to having a special Christmas Eve.

So, we were on our way through Texas... after a night in Amarillo, maybe in Oklahoma... it was noonish...Christmas Eve. We were expecting to get to Wichita at around 4. I get a call from Ken telling me that he would not be able to take us in. !!! I was in shock, angry and well...in shock... Some excuse that they weren't going to be there to take care of guests, so he hired someone and they had a family emergency. I don't think he even apologized. I felt insulted that he couldn't come up with a better story than that... If it were me, I'd lie and say someone close to me died and I had to go out of town. At least I'd feel sorry for him and cut him some slack. I hung up as quick as I could not wanting to waste my time talking to such a creep.

It appears there was no room for us in the INN....in a way at least. 

He offered a number of what he called an equally nice B&B so we obviously called and made arrangements to stay there. I hung up as quick as I could. The woman said she had a lovely cottage that people choose over all her rooms and would only charge us what Ken charged us. She usually charged more.

Well... then we drove to her place, College Hill Bed and Breakfast. All I could hear was Dennis saying, wow, the houses are getting smaller and the neighborhoods are getting worse...I had hoped we were going to come into a nicer, country club area soon... as that was the street it was on. Not so... we found the house... a small bungalow, next to a lot of other small bungalows near downtown... not a nice neighborhood... and pulled into the driveway... It was quite small and the old one car garage was made into a "cottage" guest room... YIKES. Sort of manger-esque... one might say... But it was not for us. If you look at the website, it doesn't show the outside of the home, on purpose... nor do they show the cottage made from the old one car garage.

I called the woman with the cottage and told her we decided to go to KC instead. She wasn't happy, but then no one was, now were we.

We drove two more hours... almost three and stayed in Overland Park south of KC at a Marriott, ate at a Japanese Steak House with a lovely family of 5. It was a pleasant Plan B. We actually hope to adopt this new family...meet them here every Christmas eve... They didn't seem to mind our company.

I still love the idea of doing the B&B thing on Christmas eve... I will try again.   

Me: IT Genius

Ok, so as I was on the phone talking to Monique, a volunteer for 200 Orphanages, my I phone died.

I knew it was going to happen, it's a first generation I Phone 3 g and it had been slowing and losing its charge for weeks. Mr. D warned me time and again...get a new battery. Like this would be simple.

So, when the I Phone actually died, I plugged it in and it wouldn't charge. I was in full panic mode... you know the feeling. I have 1000, yes 1,000 photos on the phone, my contacts, notes, texts, and calendars were backed up, but the 3+ years of photos...  on the spot beauties of grandkids mostly. These were memories, photos I may be able to do without, but didn't want to. So, a rescue attempt ensued.

Since it didn't help to charge the phone from my computer or the wall, I thought I'd go to get the new phone I knew I needed. It was time. Best Buy and the AT&T store were nearby, so I drove there at 8 in the morning after dropping Shammai at school. I went to Best Buy first thinking they were open, because there doors were open, cars in the lot...lots of people milling about...but it was just the construction crew they were letting in. Psyche! Next stop the At&T store. They don't open until 10. Well of course they don't! It's Scottsdale.

So, I came back home, did a few things and then at 11 went back to the At&T store. My new phone choices were the I Phone 4 G for $100 or the I PHone 3gs (almost the same phone, so no new accessories to purchase) for $1.08 cents. Guess which one I chose? I actually paid for my new I Phone with pocket change: 4 quarters, a nickel and 3 pennies. It really made me feel frugal. Frugal and a computer genius all in one day.

Well, the nice gent from At&T got my new phone all set up so I could make calls and I went find the Battery Plus store to buy a new battery for the old phone to at least recover the lost photos.  At Batteries Plus, a young guy  (maybe 25) at the counter said they could order a batter and have it in a week. RIGHT! I'll just wait...HA! Well that wasn't going to work, so he found me a store in Chandler many miles away that had one in stock. I went to Chandler.

Then he said... "I can give you some instructions and maybe your husband can help you install it."

Wait... did I just time travel to the 1950s? Yes. I must have because 25 year olds don't really think this way, do they? He really said this. Let me repeat it for effect:

"Let me give you instructions and maybe your husband can help you install it."

After coming out of shock, I said, "Do you really think my husband is more techie than I am? Do you know how sexist that is?"

He back-pedalled, hemmed and hawed and gave me a few websites (that was nice of him as I probably couldn't find these on my own) and rushed me out of the store.

Let me repeat that... from a 25 year old young man to Jan, an ardent Helen Reddy fan: "Maybe you can have your husband help you install it."

Oh boy.

Any way, I go to the next Battery Plus store that actually had an I Phone battery in stock and this young man tells me that he can have someone put it in and it will be ready next week. RIGHT.

He told me it's really hard and will take you more than an hour. WTH? I said, "Give me the $40 battery and I will call you when I am done."

So... I went home and immediately began to tinker with the I Phone. It indeed took me an  hour + to get the battery out...I followed an online tutorial from a website provided by the sexist clerk. I learned that one has to be careful not to disturb the important parts of the I Phone, especially not knowing what or where those special parts are. But, heck, the perky little gal on the Internet could do it, so why not me?

I got the battery in and didn't get all the screws back in because they are like small...miniscule. Seriously, how could one's husband with bigger hands than mine and fatter fingers even begin to put those tiny screws back in. This is what took the hour +. I finally gave up on the screws, put it back together sans screws and plugged it in.

NOTHING. I thought I would have to send my phone to the Apple store for recovery... then realized I had just put in a non apple battery, so I would be charged a lot. I reinstalled the original battery just in case I had to take it in. I also prayed for help...which if that had not been my fall back position, I may have not had to go through the battery insults.

But, it now dawned on me that the battery may not be the problem. So, I went to my favorite search engine: ASK. "My I phone died and won't take a charge. I was led to a few do-it yourself fix it sites one of which a girl like me gave this as a solution: "Just reset the phone, then plug it into your computer. Turn your computer off, then back on. Do this a few times if it doesn't work the first time."

I followed her instructions. After a few tries it worked. I then looked up how to save my photos from the phone without syncing. I again asked ASK "How to sync my photos from the I Phone. It led me to a little You Tube video to show me how simple it was... another little girl doing the tutorial from her home computer...

So, now all is well with the world again. I have my new phone, my photos are recovered, I own quite a few small screws, an unused I phone battery and have a renewed appreciation for Helen Reddy.

Thank God for the Internet, zip lock bags and the swiffer.

Odds N Ends

Sandy turned 60 in late October so she thought she'd though herself one He-- of a party.

Seriously, I have not seen so much attention to detail since... well never! I even had a party hat, special invite just for me... we worked like dogs to get it right, but well... Sandy was so delighted and blessed. I am still in shock I have such an old friend!

Egg On Face

Ok. So it was not the FBI site, but a federaljobs.net or some crazying sight selling something.
But, all of those things they said? Unfortunately probably true.

Looking For Work

Ok. So, Mr. D got all excited about applying with the FBI to help with investigations... here's what their web page states on their sidebar:

RecentNews


Government Expansion

The federal sector is growing at its fastest pace in decades. Over the past two years total federal civil service employment has increased 10%, an additional 182,629 workers. Jobs are available nationwide and overseas and additional growth is projected due to recent legislation.

The new health care legislation calls for the formation of 150 new regulatory agencies and commissions and many more federal regulators are needed to manage failed banks and the Troubled Asset Relief Program (TARP) funds.

The federal government now owns 60% of General Motors, all of Fanny Mae and Freddie Mac plus they took over 100% of the student loan program recently! There are many more jobs projected and those who start the process early will have a better chance of success.

WOW. What opportunities!

Fall with the Stwerts



Gabe the Football player



We've been at the Schtewts for the last few days and have been getting to know our Clara and Anika better. Adorable! Need I say more. Gabe and Ava are still wonderful kids...so loving to their grandma! We are so blessed. It's hard to believe Gabe will be 11 this year. We have all ordered him to stop growing up, but this is one area he refuses to listen. We enjoyed watching Gabe play footbal on Saturday, he only cried once. But you should a seen the other guy!

The Pumpkin Fairy

Note the sign

Ava is enjoying first grade, we are helping her with her addition tables. They are doing time tests already and they are kicking her little 6 year old butt. So, a little practice with Grandma and Grandpa and all should be well. We went to the Pumpkin Patch on Saturday after the game and well, I found a great place to sit and rest my weary bones. Clara mined for gold behind me. This Pumpkin Patch brings kids back to the good ole days with petting zoo, geese and goats and bunnies to feed in cages. It has lots of brown grass and dirt, a pig race...tractor rides, a corn maze and even a Pumpkin Fairy. This little walk into the past where simple pleasures were enough seems to entertain the kids under six... the older ones are impatiently screaming for more stimulation and reaching for their video game controls. We all went home to take a nap.



The Stewart Family





All Tuckered out.

Trip to NY: Cabbie Wisdom

I enjoyed a short trip to NYC for a fund raiser Sept. 15 and was able to reserve time at the 911 Memorial for the 16th. Kelly let me stay at her place and Joey was able to go with me to the memorial. We then had lunch together.

On the way to the memorial and on the way to the airport I got me some Cabbie Wisdom. The cabbies were from Bangledesh and Nigeria respectively. Both have been here in the states for some time, one 8 years and the other 16. I love to ask them how they got here and how they like our nation. It never ceases to amaze me how much insight one can gather in a 30 minute cab ride.

The driver from Bangledesh told me in no uncertain terms that anyone who wishes America would fall in the most economic crises, doesn't know what they are talking about. "If America falls, the world falls."
America is the only nation, he continued, that helps the poor. There are other wealthy nations out there, but only the U.S. helps others. When there's a crisis or tragedy America is always there. He continued and said that he'd love to move out of the city. But, there is opportunity here NY. NYC is a good city for poor people. If you lose your job, you can find another one tomorrow. He also said that the attacks on 911 were bad for Muslims. He's a Muslim. He said now no one listens to a thing they say. The attack hurt everyone.
He also said it's hard for people to find cabs on Friday from 2-3 because all the Muslim drivers are at prayer. Good to know.
This Cabbie told me he just talked to his brother back in Bangledesh the night before. His brother owns a factory that makes t shirts for banana republic and others. They cost $8 to make and they put the price tag on for $90. He asks, "Why can't we make them here in America?" Many people I know would gladly work for less money just to have a job. We should make all those t shirts here in America. People want to work and most of my friends get jobs at minumum wage. Their bosses know they are immigrants, so they pay them less. My friends don't complain because they need the work.

I did like his train of thought... The thought an immigrant would be trying to find ways to put people back to work... that's touching. I didn't have the heart to burst his bubble...The t shirt idea would be great if it weren't for corporate taxes, unions and regulations strangling companies that want to hire. 

My Nigerian cab driver got a chuckle out of Kelly and my conversation in support of the Tea Party as I climbed into the cab. She had just said she supports any third party in the "throw the bums out" mentality that most of us hold today. The driver talked a lot about how Obama needs to resign. He can just say he has to take care of his family and go back to teaching college where all anyone has to do is talk. Everyone wants him to just go away, the cabbie said. He said, "I like that woman on the Republican side. Michelle Bachman makes a lot of sense."

Black people don't even like Obama anymore, he said. It's because he doesn't do what he says he will do. And, he doesn't know what he's doing. He has had enough time to do something, but he won't or can't, he said. Everyone is worse off today. Obama doesn't know how to fix anything, he's all talk. He should go back to teaching college where that's all that is expected of you is talk.

Here are some of the photos of the memorial. A few things touched me here. One is that the names of all the victims, including "and unborn child" were listed. The names were segmented to Flight numbers, Pentagon, etc. even 1993 bombing victims at the world trade center were named.



It's a very simple, but meaningful memorial. Nothing glitzy, lots of gray granite, hard surfaces and the sound of falling water. It's soothing in a way and most of those on the site were respectful, mournful. Many reached out to touch the names of the victims. All were somber, sullen, sad. It's an appropriate reminder of the tragedy. We all remember. We'll never forget.




s

Never Forget

I got this image from Naarah the morning after the attack. It's in my Bible now and I reflect on it often. 

We'll never forget.

Our grandchildren, who I love will not know life before 9-11-2001. They will never have a complete sense of safety and protection on our soil, but will always have an eerie sense that a deadly unstoppable attack could change their world forever.

Pearl Harbor was such an attack for my parents' generation. But most of them aged in safety and forgot to warn us. Maybe after this attack, we can help our children be more prepared. We can help them, so they never have to stand powerless as foreigners emboldened with hate and  religious fanaticism seek to destroy our lives and landmarks in our homeland.

Our 9-11 children may live in fear as their reality. Or, they may embrace our nation's wealth and freedom. We can tell them of a time when we were strong and powerful and no one dared attack us at home. We can tell them that America is a great nation, worth fighting for. We can help them be that nation again if we teach them the lessons of 9-11. These are the lessons I take away, 10 years after the towers fell and people died at the hands of killers.

• Teach our children that what we have in America is precious and special

• Teach them that there are people in the world that hate our freedom, our prosperity and they want to take this from us
• Teach them that faith and freedom are worth dying for

• Tell them you love them every day

• Teach them that good can triumph over evil

Our Stay With Family In Issaquah: The long version

Our Trip Out West 2011

I got it in my head to spend time in Washington with Adriel and Joel and with Naarah and Jason and their families and figured the best way to do that was to rent a place for a month. The month turned into 10 + days because of cost and resistance from Mr. Home Body.

 But, we made the most of each day.

We also decided to drive so we'd have transportation. I found a great cabin online on the Raging River outside of Issaquah that had 3 bedrooms, a Viking stove, hot tub and lots of other fun amenities...like a rope bridge across the Raging River to a small play house. So I booked it.

On our way West we drove through South Dakota, Wyoming, Montana and Idaho. We stayed in South Dakota the first night in the capital city of Pierre. The hotel still had sand bags from the Minnesota River floods this spring. Water was still high over the banks. We drove on through Sturgis and motorcyclists were everywhere...like buzzing flies. They looked to be having fun, but that kind of mob riding isn't appealing to me. Lots of people like us on bikes... That was fun to see. We drove up to Mount Rushmore and somehow I envisioned a solitary walk up to the mountain. No. We did a U turn in the road and took a few photos on the turn. Well, not quite, but almost. But hey, I've always wanted to see it, and now I have. I was not dissappointed. I think every American needs to see it if possible. It's worth it and a pilgrimage of sorts.

We headed west to Wyoming and decided to stay in Sheridan, then on to Cody. I remembered my cousin on my mom's side lived in Sheridan, so I emailed my mom for her last name. I would have given her a call and had coffee. We went to dinner that night in Sheridan at Buffalo Bills old stomping grounds. That was fun. It was an old hotel and restaurant and we ate great steaks. Sheridan is a small town, 16,000 or so. Smaller than I thought, but we enjoyed our stay there. We stopped in Cody on our way out of Wyoming.

My mom got to me the next day as we were on our way out of Cody Wyoming. She told me my cousin Bonnie's last name is Sheridan and she lives in Cody. Whoops! Well, next time I will be more prepared. We loved the drive through Wyoming, especially Cody. We stopped in town and shopped a while and enjoyed the small city. We took 295, a road on the map that took us out of town into Montana to our next junction...as we were driving on anything but Interstate. At one point on 295 there were signs warning us to beware of noxious fumes and turn around if the lights were flashing. Odd. Well, we were in mining and oil country and we came upon a large industrial complex. The road ended. (Not on the map, mind you...just in reality) It just ended. The road turned into dirt and there were industrial buildings on a dirt driveway. A steep dirt road went into the huge crevass and we almost took it, until we decided better of it. Crazy Wyoming. We turned back and took a different backroad and that one actually took us to Montana. It was a sort of Twilight Zone moment.

Upon arriving at the Montana border, we drove by a coal mine that had a fire. All the miners died and they decided to just leave them there as their tomb. Mr. D thought it would be cool to in and scope it out. I did not think so.

We stayed in Bozeman and were able to visit with my good friend Trisha Bailey and her longtime love Ben. I love visiting with them. I called Trisha, but she didn't answer her phone. So, we went out to eat at a lovely spot. I enjoyed the streets of Bozeman. It's a college town. We had a great meal at a nice little Italian restaurant. The next morning I called Trisha and it appears she was canning the night before so she had her phone off. We were able to have breakfast and a great visit. I love her. We had a great time driving from Missoula to Lewsiton Idaho. We took the mountain road which cut off time, but was quite slow. It was the most beautiful drive I have ever taken. We arrived early evening in Clarkston Washington as we wanted to visit our dear friend Dick Molohon who recently moved in with his son John and his wife. We were treated to a great visit and Pizza for dinner before we took off on the road again.

We finally arrived in Washington and spent our first night at Adriel and Joels. The next day we'd be able to check in to our cabin.

The home was delightfully decorated, the kids even had a play room in a loft they had to climb too. This caused a bit of concern as 24 month olds climbing 10 foot ladders without railings or padding below was a bid nervewracking. But not one child fell headlong out of the opening onto the wooden floor. Sigh.

There were at times 4 grandkids in our care overnight, which was so great. It's very fulfilling for me to be with my kids, their husbands and children. The world seems aright when they are all underfoot. We did well, we had very few emotional mishaps and mostly all went well. Naarah stayed the weekend with her girls and Adriel and Joel stayed many nights. We used GG and Emirie's rods and casted for trout. We crossed the bridge and climbed down rocks to sit on the sand bar. We slipped on rocks and fell in said river. We all had a great time.

We even had time to drive to Bremington, a bit north where we took Addie and Violet for the day. It was a great little city on the sound and we'll probably check on a cabin there next year.

All in all it was a dream vacation. All of our families were together almost every night and we enjoyed dinner and each other's company over great food. As a mother, I am especially delighted at how well my oldest and youngest daughter get along. They love each other and treat each other so well. 

I am so proud to have daughters who are loving. We all have our moments, but the foundation of love is firm and strong and His grace is alive in each one. I thank God for his goodness, his kindness reflected in my daughters.

Mr D and I spent our last night alone in the quiet of the hills of Issaquah. We soaked in the hot tub and watched the stars. It was a delightful finale.

We plan to drive home north through Idaho, Montana and North Dakota.

Shammai leaves tomorrow.

Shammai was walking behind me into the house after take out for dinner and says..."Hey Gramma...thanks for having me here this summer." Just like that my heart melted all over the steps. He's been here since June, played soccer, met the neighbor boys, played basketball, golfed, swam, ate, fed the dogs every day, cleaned out the dishwasher, watched movies till late, ate popcorn and rode his bike.

I am a blubbering mess. This big old farm is going to be so empty and quiet without him running around the place. Having him with us this summer has been delightful. He's the nicest boy, so sweet and kind. He misses his mom, but never become morose or moody. He just throws a ball around or well... throws a ball around.
Gumpa is going to be so lonesome. These two sleep together every night. They work outside, they swim every day. They watch movies each night and laugh at the same jokes. It's kind of scary. They are inseparable. They went fishing together and Shammai caught some nice bass. Gumpa actually made promises to take Shammai fishing to Canada with him. Best buds.

Shammai is excited to get back home to mom and to his routine there. School starts for him next week. I am  going to miss him, will need to get out to Arizona early this year. (Will add photos from my other computer tomorrow sometime)

Great Grandma Travels Along To Missouri: She hasn't lost her touch

We had the Hanson's at our home in Minnesota for Memorial Day. Fun times. While they were all there, I invited Grandma Doris to Missouri with me for company on the 8 hour drive later that week for a few days. It was a nice little get away and an opportunity for her to meet her great grandkids on their turf. Lasha was beside herself with excitement. I had to sleep on the couch. But, even with all that, I was so glad she came. I really needed the help. Clara and Annika equal 4 children, then bring in Ava the Innovator and you have one busy household. Shammai came with and he and Gabe were pretty self sufficient. But, you know, we didn't do much because the baby was sleeping eating or Clara was napping or eating. Doris fed Annika a lot, put her to sleep while I ran after Clara and Ava. I carried the baby upstairs where she slept for a few short hours just to wake up and do it all over again. She's a great baby, so it was fun for Grandma Doris to be able to love her up. Grandma hasn't lost her touch by the way. She could put baby Annika to sleep in a matter of minutes. She made sure to keep her all bundled up and warm, which of course these babies love.

While in Missouri we were able to celebrate Lasha's birthday. Joe brought us all to Shrouds, for their famous home cooking...we all had fried chicken, mashed potatoes and green beans.  I also put together Clara's B Day present from May 18. I got her a quite large swimming pool and the boys helped me put it together. They swept the deck off and got it ready for me. The pool was a hit with all of them. It was hot there and humid like Missouri often is.

On the way home I purposed to stop off at one of the hot spots along the way, John Wayne's Birthplace or the Covered Bridges of Bridges of Madison County fame. Before we were 20 minutes out of Liberty I spied the Birth Place and Museum of Jesse James. So, we agreed that we'd stop before we got too tired. It was awesome. Shammai had no idea who Jesse James was, so he got a history lesson. He was really upset that we couldn't stay to hear how Jesse's mom Zerelda lost her arm. I assured him we could either look it up or we could stay longer the next time we went to Libery.

Oh, the other funny thing. I was bragging about the roadtrip game I invented. The one where you made a sentence out of the name of a town...ie. Albany: the coat was part fox, not All Bunny. Anyway, Shammai saw the sign for Holt/Lawson along. He was quiet for a bit until finally he said, Hey Gramma... How about this: Holt: It's the Law Son.... Ohhhhhh I laughed good on that one. Nice job Shammi!

We were blessed to be able to take Ava home with us for a few weeks of undivided attention. She is still here and we are having so much fun. Dennis the shark plays with them in the pool. They whine for me to come in, so I can play the crab. They realized what they said shortly after and from then on I was the Octopus. The kids swam in between working with Grandpa tearing out fence posts. Shammai learned to drive the bobcat...Ava got shotgun. He assured me all was fine as he walked along side spraying weedkiller into the grass. Not sure what about that experience was healthy or safe, but they are all in one piece as of this writing. But I remember my dad saying he drove the tractor when he was 7, so I suspect it is a good learning experience for boys and girls alike.

While back in Minnesota, the weather went from 102 to 48 in one week. So it was pool time and buying sunscreen to outside playing and buying sweatshirts at Shopko. Minnesota at its finest. The flowers are responding well to the rain and the cool however. At least it will be a colorful summer.

Ava asked for only one thing to eat while here: Crap in a can. Better known as ravioli in a can. Shammai has mac and cheese. Both are great kids to have around and we think we will keep them.

Well, early summer is festival time. Sartell Summerfest and St. Cloud has a few. We will be out and about.
Love having the kids here... such a blessing filling up grandpa and grandma's empty nest.

Happy Mothers Day To Me

Takes me a lot to blog these days, mostly because I blog for my nonprofit, for my business, for other people's business and our Rotary club. That's a whole lotta bloggin. Anyway, it's Saturday morning and I await a reporter for Central Minnesota Women's Mag to do a story about my work with 200 Orphanages. That is going well and I am pleased to talk about it anytime.

It is such fun to have a passion that really matters to someone, and well I think God likes it too. One of his only directives to us is to care for the widows and orphans. So, there you go, can't be any clearer. They don't have anyone to care for them and we are God's hands in that work.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day and well, I guess I am blogging about Mother's Day. I am so bless to have four daughters, three sons in laws and 10 grandchildren and counting. This really fills my heart with joy. Happy mother's day to me. (This part was written before Mothers day, the following after.)

It wasn't really the best of days for me, and this little story is the icing on the cake if you will.

Mr. D and I were traveling to the cities to honor his mother on this special day. In tribute to her, she has been my mother too for almost 37 years... well... as long as I have been living... cough cough.
Anyway, the first day I met her we clicked. My visual memory has me in her small kitchen wiping dishes as she washed. We chatted and talked as if we were old friends... I was it seems part of the family already, at least it felt like it. Who knew? It wouldn't be long that we would be telling her she was going to be a grandmother...  and the rest is history. 

Anyway, we stopped off at my new favorite nursery in Elk River on the way to the Twin Cities. Cheri and I had just spent some time there the day before to see what we would want to grow this summer. I got a great parking spot right next to the door and we jumped out of the car and browsed.

On Mother's Day it was cold and rainy as Mr. D looked for a parking spot. We drove around a car parked in the parking lot blocking an empty parking spot and blocking the two cars on either side, right next to the door. It would have been nice for someone to be able to park there, as it was cold and rainy and he was apparently waiting in his car. He was apparently in a hurry, so couldn't bother parking, nor letting anyone else use that space. Also, people leaving had do go around him. Sigh.
Anyway... I had guns blazing most of the morning and as I had little to lose, I thought I'd at least ask him if he knew he was blocking a parking space. I after all am the parking attendant.

So, as other cars drove around him trying to get out, I stood in the rain and knocked on his window. He unrolled it half way. "I was wondering if you knew that you are blocking a parking space?" I asked as nicely as I could, offering, "You could move ahead so at least someone could park in this spot if you aren't going to. He said back at me, "Well I just dropped my mother off to get something. I hope you're having a Happy F'ing Mother's Day."

What a son! Dropping his mom off at the flower store so she could buy herself a flower. How lucky for her... Self Serve Mother's Day.

The first 7 Hanson Grandaughters as newborns.

Can they be any cuter? They look like they have the same genes... I think anyway.

Notes from Grandma’s Last Days

These notes were taken while I was with Grandma and edited. So, the timing may seem odd.
Here are my thoughts...

I want to note, that the last few times I went to visit Grandma, I wanted so much to have the opportunity to pray with her.

This never happened and I felt badly. But, when she was in the hospital, Pastor Roger from Calvary Lutheran Church came to see her twice. I know this is their shtick, but in any case, the Lutherans really know how to care for their flock.

She was awake and conscious and he took her hand and prayed with her. I could tell it meant a lot to her. In his prayer, he thanked Jesus for their special relationship. He said that he knows she trusts him and asked that she be assured that Jesus will take her hand and walk her into heaven when the time came. He said, that Jesus will be there, so there’s no need to fear. These were better than any words I might have dared to pray with my Grandmother.

After this, it seemed Grandma was getting better. I left for home as dad was coming to stay with her and I assumed Grandma would recover to a point and then be put into a nursing home to convalesce. Ron, my uncle was there as he lives there. A few days later, she had taken a turn for the worse and was put into the Intensive Care Unit. She seemed to recover some after some care, and was out of immediate danger, and then put in a different room. My dad was there for a few days, and it seemed again she was improving, so he left for Arizona. I returned to Grand Forks as I felt Ron needed help, and I didn’t want him to be alone caring for her. His own wife has been ill. Also, Sandi, Ron’s daughter, would be coming in late that day.

Grandma was in her last days, in her hospital bed and I sat next her. I read an end of life pamphlet left in the room by hospice for the loved ones to read. Ron went home after I arrived and Sandi would come in soon.

Grandma’s awake, but is in the separation stage according to the pamphlet it appears. She isn’t conscious of me being there. One foot is in heaven and the other lingers here. She seems to be seeing or observing something, as she gets expressions now and again on her face that are close to yearning, close to a smile of recognition. Like she’s about to say something, but as always in her quiet nature she abstains. The book says that sometimes people in the last stages of life seem to see their loved ones passed and talk to them.

Grandma has tubes in her nose, tubes in her arms and tubes in her urinary tract. They aren’t bothering her. She hasn’t eaten much for days, again a normal part of the transition. She is also not on any medication. I like that they call death the transition. It’s nicer than death, doesn’t sound so harsh and final.

There she is smiling again. Seriously, she didn’t look old until now. She has been so well kept. Even the nurses and doctors couldn’t believe she is 97. They always commented on how good she looked. Her hair didn’t get washed and curled last Friday. That’s her day. I’ve decided in her memory, that I too will have my hair washed and styled every Friday as long as I can. I’ve made arrangements already and they’re charging me $30. I’m getting cheaper like her too! Watching where every cent goes.

There are machines in the room, but none hooked up except the oxygen. They will not resuscitate, only keep her comfortable. She is not in any pain. I have a hard time believing it, as her lung is collapsed, her heart and kidneys failing. But these things are all part of life; the transition part.

My cousin is flying up from Florida today. She arrives tonight. She’s coming in like the cavalry to arrange for the memorial and to organize the removal of Grandma’s things from the apartment. I find this conflicting, but am ever grateful to her for taking this on. She said Uncle Ronnie was overwhelmed and was in tears when she told him she was coming. Her sisters live in Fargo but are involved with caretaking their mother who had a stroke. Sandi was the obvious choice and it's great she has come help.

I’m conflicted about going through Grandma’s things because she isn’t dead yet and if I know anything about her, she will defy death as long as she can, even though she is ready to go. And, there's always the sense that she doesn’t want you touching her things. This has always been understood and a matter of respect for her.

She’s ready to go spiritually, mentally and now physically. I sort of get the feeling she’s just testing us all to see what we will do when she dies. Like, who will be the first to want to go through and divide up her things? Well, I admit to thinking about it also. Not wanting her things, because I have too many things of my own. But, it would be nice to have a small remembrance and something for my kids or grandkids. She would think  it tasteless. She actually held her things close to herself. She never really shared well, not herself or her things. I was always clumsy about her things and she was a good steward. She washed and ironed sheets and  most likely underwear I am sure. That generation cared for their things with much more pride because they grew up with so little. Each item had value and was cared for. Me ? Not so much as one stroke with the iron on a sheet of any sort. Not Ever. I even think she resented that I didn’t put the Grand Forks Herald sections back in order after I read them. Seriously, I realized this later on and started putting them back in order after reading. But, really who cares? Grandma Ethel, that’s who.

So, now she doesn’t have her teeth in and I find it bothers me. Not because I care how it looks, but I know she cares about these things. I know she is very careful and always has been about her appearance. She’s always been beautiful and as with her things, she’s always cared for herself. Even now I want to take the worn polish off her nails and put on new: Red. Well, Ok, maybe clear. I don’t know how she’d feel about going before the Lord with Red nail polish on her fingers and toes. I did this the evening she died. I removed the pink that was worn, and put on clearthat I had with me as I had wanted to do my own.

Without her teeth her face folds. This is one of the important things about teeth. They help us chew our food, but they also keep our face formed. Her face falls now below the nose. So much so that when I came to see her the first day when she was awake and lucent, I was sure that I had the wrong room. I went in and looked at the old woman in the bed and didn’t recognize the woman. I left immediately to look at the name on the door, and went out again to get the nurse in a panic. I was sure that wasn’t my grandma. She looked like a totally different woman being barely 100 pounds, her head tilted back in the bed and wrinkled mouth hanging open. She did have the bottom teeth in as no one knew how to take them out. So, her face was not as sunken as it could have been.

I know the nurses wondered about me and may have even thought I was some long lost gold digger who barely knew the woman as I didn’t recognize her. Maybe I was a total stranger and just wanted to steal her stuff? I would have been very suspicious. But, seriously, this woman sleeping, toothless and frail, thin as a rail looked nothing like my Grandma. And I just saw her last month.

But it was indeed her. She has lost more weight. Another part of the transition is that you stop wanting to eat. Apparently the appetite and taste buds go, so the desire for food leaves and you crave liquids. 
Well, now that my cousin is coming to get things in order I feel better. I hope she is good with dying. I know she has worked with the elderly for years, but I don’t know her familiarity with “the transition”. We will see and I will be the first to step aside. She knows Grandma well, as a matter of fact, as her oldest granddaughter, the daughter she never had, I venture to say Sandi is my Grandma’s favorite. She was always so proud of her and beamed when she called on the phone. Sandi came to see Grandma a couple times a year. She’d fly to this barren Grand Forks from Fort Myers Florida. Only love would make her do that.

That night I stayed with Grandma in the hospital room until about 11 waiting for Sandi. Grandma was awake for quite some time and she was agitated. Grandma began to talk and then shouted, “Can’t you just let me up to go pee for Christ’s sake?” She really wanted to get out of bed and get out of that place. Later, after she had lain awake for quite some time staring out into the next world, she again got irritated and agitated. I think she may have had some pain, but she was confused as well.

“Let me get out of here. Why are you keeping me here? “You’re poking me in the back.”

The elderly and infirm often get agitated at night, anxious, fearful. She just finished getting very upset and wanted to get out of here. “This isn’t my place; take me to my place for God’s Sake. I know, I can see it over there.” She pointed to the television.

And then sadly, she started crying because I wouldn’t help her get out of bed. Apparently this too is part of the transition. It’s a part I am not fond of. When I was here last time, her last words to me were “I love you too.” I am sad this is part of my last experiences with her even though she didn’t mean it. I told her I would call her when I arrived home so she wouldn't worry. I called the nurse and had her relay the message for me.

The, “I love you too” was the memory I wanted. But, she needs me here now, I know it and so I am here. I will force myself to forget her confusion and bewilderment and tears of her frustration.

The nurse came in with an injection to calm her. She immediately when to sleep; and now she lays, eyes closed, mouth open, breathing quietly, toothless.

Day 2: Sandi and Judee, two of the cousins arrive. Sandi got in late and went to stay with a friend. It’s nice to see them. I don’t see them often, and I hope that will change. I am hearing more loving stories from my cousins about what a great grandma Ethel was to them. I imagine she would have been that to us, but we lived far away and I am guessing. The stories are so delightful. Grandma apparently sewed the girls all their clothes from scratch, coats, dresses and costumes.

I guess the girls were in tap dance; all three of them, and Grandma sewed all their clothes. She never used a pattern, but would from a picture pull together pieces from other patterns and make exactly what she saw. She made them their tap dance outfits for the recitals. They all still have their outfits…Judee framed Pam’s for her.

Sandi even remembers the skit and showed a little of it to us right here in the hospice room. The Pastor was there and said that’s something she had never seen in a hospice room. Sandi said she sewed all of the girls’ prom and wedding dresses, even the bride’s maid’s dresses. She was a loving example of a Grandma. Maybe from afar, this is who I learned from? I guess I had two wonderful Grandmothers in my life, Grandma Clara and Grandma Ethel.

The Pastors from the Church were wonderful. When I arrived there a day before there was a woman who came to do a visitation from Calvary Lutheran Church ministries. She told me that Grandma Ethel was their oldest member. Pastor Troy Truftgruben and Pastor Christine Swensen-Schmitt both knelt at her bedside and prayed. When I was there with Sandi and Judee and Ron, Pastor Christine prayed with all of us and then walked over to Grandma’s bed, took her hand and began to sing to her: Quietly and Gently Jesus is Calling, Calling for you to come home… etc. etc.

I was moved to tears. What a beautiful thing to do and to think they do it to all those who are in hospice. The Pastor was here to discuss arrangements. It feels funny talking about Grandma like she’s not in the room. I know she hears us. She became restless, so it makes me wonder if she knew we were talking about her dying and arrangements.

Also, Judee is telling stories about when Grandma and Grandpa were in Lakota and they had a job at the undertakers. I guess Grandpa rode along with the undertaker in a suit and Grandma did the makeup. Ron doesn’t know anything about that. I guess the relatives teased Grandpa and called him Digger.

Judee and I remember driving in the car with all the cousins, I think we were in the station wagon we had with the back seat that faced backwards. Pam, Cheryl Judee and I were singing the kids funeral dirge: “The worms go in, the worms go out, the worms play Pinochle on your snout.” I can’t remember the rest of the song… but it’s funny Judee and I remember it.

Early Afternoon: The nurses are giving her a bath…it reminds me of washing the body after death as they used to do in Biblical times. They handle her body as if it’s a surf board; turning it this way, turning it that way. She had her hair washed and it is now very curly. I removed her fingernail polish and I put on clear. She is resting very quietly now. She must have gotten worn out from the bath.

Sandi and Judee are off to the apartment to try to find Grandma’s purse. They are also going through her things. This part makes me feel badly. Can’t we at least wait until she is dead? I won't pass judgment. They have always laid much greater claim to Grandma and Grandpa than us. Ron and Gladys lived near Grandma and Grandpa in their formative years; they lived on the farm right next door. They were all much more a part of Grandma and Grandpas life for most of their young years. So, they have call for a greater claim.

I came in to my close relationship with Grandma and Grandpa as an adult and most recently by default. I loved my grandparents very much and would always visit them in Arizona. Dennis and I stayed there a few times and they took us to Superstition Mountain and Lake Havasu. We enjoyed them and always looked in on them when we were there. My girls drove them to Arizona in their later years. They were great grandparents to us. I loved them and now see that I think in truth. My dad was also trying to make his mark in the world and distance didn’t encourage close ties. We went their yearly for vacations and tried in the early years to go on holidays. I guess we tried, my parents had them care for us when they went on trips. That was nice bonding time. I remember they took us to Milaca where one of Grandma’s brothers had a bar. This was common profession in the family I guess. Dad and Ron lived in the bar of Grandma Trenda’s while attending high school. I think Vendal owned the bar in Whitman too for a time. So, bars were a part of our life growing up.

Later on in life, while again my dad was in Arizona with Gina, Grandpa was diagnosed with a brain tumor. There were no nursing homes with open beds that could take him for convalescent care in North Dakota, and so Dad and I arranged for him to be transported to Sauk Rapids, near St. Cloud. That was not ideal, and I think it made Grandma feel badly, not to be close to home, but it was the best we could do for him and at least he would be close to family who could visit him daily. We all went to see him, all my siblings and my mom, my cousins, even Sandi flew in. He ended up dying in St. Joseph at dad’s assisted living. I was with him along side Grandma, Dad, Ronnie and Gina when he took his last breath. I comforted him with the encouraging words and told him that we would take care of Grandma for him, that he didn’t have to worry. Since, I have done my best to be with her, love her and in return, I have a wonderful closeness to my grandmother. I’ve gotten to know her and love her in a deep and satisfying way. I am so pleased to have honored her in life and now in death. I am going to miss her terribly.

Being very involved in Grandpa’s death, and promising to take care of Grandma, I feel I have kept my promise and gained a close and loving relationship with my Grandma. It’s been such a wonderful experience. I feel as if I have fulfilled my promised to Grandpa made on his deathbed, but I have been given an everlasting reward of knowing the lovely woman who was my grandmother. She was amazing.

She was kind. She spoke her mind directly and sometimes brusquely, but as long as I knew her she never spoke badly of others. There were never any gossip or negative words for people in her life. She spoke sparingly. She was a quiet woman by nature. She was content to sit and not talk. She wasn’t shy, but didn’t have much use for words. This baffled people and it made them uncomfortable. But, it was just who she was. She wasn’t shy, she wasn’t timid. She was just quiet and had little use for words.

My daughter, Lasha, loved Grandma and Grandma dearly. She spent her college years here and took to visiting Grandma and Grandpa very often. They loved her too. Gabe, or first grandson, was born here so they got to be with him a bit before the kids graduated and moved away. Lasha always tried to keep in touch and had a special place in her heart for Grandma and Grandpa. When Gabe started talking, he would call her Grandma Apple.

All the professionals here say Grandma will die in the next day or two… I will go home and come back for the weekend if need be. These were my plans. Dad had returned to Arizona. No one knew how long it would really be, so he left. He hired a private jet to take him to Grand Forks from Sunday to Tuesday. She was in ICU, but after she was transferred back up to a room, he decided to go back home. There was no telling when she would pass. Well, it seemed clear it would be soon, so I called him and told him it was probably a good idea to come back. He was upset he’d left in the first place. In a show of no taste or tact, I texted him a photo of Grandma in bed with Ron in the chair alongside him with the caption: She’s not coherent, but makes sounds now and again. They sound a bit like, “where’s Norm.” He was offended. But, I was only half kidding. He booked his tickets and came back on Thursday at about 7 p.m.

Well, Dad arrived. Grandma knows he’s here and she started stirring a bit. That’s nice to see. He is definitely the baby in the family. There’s just something about that baby. Gina came too. They are both spending time alone with her now. A bit later he came to find me and apparently Gina left him alone too. She went somewhere else, couldn’t find me, not sure why. So she found some other visitor’s room.

It was apparent Grandma had waited to die until after her sons were both with her.

Dad was ill and threw up voraciously in the hospital room bathroom and made a huge mess. Gina says its grief and stress. Dad says its Lettuce wrap from Flo’s. Anyway, how can a hospital not have housekeeping on staff in the night to clean this up? It’s the same hospital that doesn’t have coffee carafes.  

At the encouragement of Sandi, Ron and Norm, I wrote Grandma’s obituary today. It was nice recapping in short prose the essence of her life. Here it is:

….Ethel will be remembered as industrious and resourceful both on the farm and in the home. But, mostly, she will be remembered as a loving, thoughtful, kind and caring wife, mother, grandmother, aunt and friend. The people she touched throughout her life will remember her for her quiet, gentle strength, her kindness and speaking well of others and her generosity in simple, practical ways. In the early years, she cheerfully cooked meals for field workers and quietly shared with others in need. When her family grew, she cared for her granddaughters, handily sewing their dresses, coats and costumes. All her life, she cared for friends and neighbors and always presented herself with grace…

There is so much more to this complex woman. She sacrificed for her family like every mom, but she never complained. She did her work daily and put a spit shine to every task. She taught her sons lessons in work ethic, loyalty and fairness. There was a strong sense of right and wrong in all her judgment. She quietly and stoically served her family. But, she was no doormat. She expressed herself forcefully many times and one will never know how or why Grandpa had a pink Cadillc or pink house at one point. It could be he was color blind, but it could also be that she exerted much influence over him and that he loved her and gave her what she wanted. She had a way of letting you know enough was enough, or with some sly signal that she was displeased. It was as if she was steering from behind the curtain like the Wizard in Oz. She never put herself out in front for show, never made a scene. But she evidently quietly and forcefully got her way.

She never lacked for fine clothes, homes, cars and it was Grandpa who drove her to the beauty shop every week so she could have her hair done. She took care of herself, as is shown by the number of lipstick tubes in her medicine cabinet. She liked nice smelling soaps and lotions, but always tucked them away for a special day. She had nice jewelry and Grandpa would buy her gold watches, rings and pendants. She wore them with great pride and humility, never flauntingly. All she did was humble.

But she was also tenderhearted and soft inside, even though she seldom showed how deeply she felt love. Grandma loved her family to be near her and when she had to leave, she was always brought to tears. She always cried when she parted. Sandi said she wept many times. I saw her tear up as she went out the door many times. She never made demands for herself, she was reserved and quiet.

She loved to save; it was a game to her. She also liked to gamble, slots mostly and bingo. She was a master at playing cards, especially bidding games like Pinochle. We played gin, which bored her, there was not gambling involved. She liked the sport of one on one card games and thought carefully and skillfully over each play. She amazed me at either her luck or skill. I am not sure which it was. I never understood it. She always won.

Being there when Grandma died was again a great honor. Dad and Gina arrived and Dad sat next to her and Dad started to talk to her. She turned her head his way, and it seemed clear she knew he was there. I could see Dad needed to take some time with her to say his goodbyes and so I left the room. Dad spent time saying goodbye to his mother, he told her she was a good mother and started to cry.

While Dad and Gina were there, Grandma had seemed to start to struggle, turning and moaning, so we had the nurse give her morphine for pain. We didn’t want her to suffer at all.

Sandi had gone to her friends and to rest. We both didn’t want Grandma to be alone, and as Dad was ill and Ron needed his sleep, it was decided I would take the first shift and call Sandi at about 2 a.m. and she would come in so I could go home and sleep. We didn’t want Grandma to be there alone at any time. I told them I would call if something changed. After the last morphine shot Grandma calmed down and slept.

It was about 1 a.m. after I had curled up in the recliner in the room and slept for about a half hour that Grandma’s breathing became erratic. I debated on calling everyone right away, given my propensity for panicking, I didn’t want to call everyone in and have her just need more pain killers. Dad needed sleep, Sandi was a few miles away and Ron couldn’t drive at night so he’d need a ride. She was breathing in short, quick gasps and I didn’t know if she was in pain or in a panic. So, I had the nurse give her a small shot of morphine. A few minutes later we gave her the relaxing medication as she seemed to be panicking a bit not being able to catch her breath. Her breathing was still odd. I didn’t know if I should call everyone, but then decided to wait and sit by her side. I held her hand and talked to her.

I told her she has lots of people in heaven who loved her and are waiting for her and she had lots of people here who love her too. I told her Norm, Sandi and Ron were here and we all loved her. I prayed for her in the spirit and asked Jesus to touch her with His love in a personal and in a way that she could know it was Him. It wasn’t a few minutes and she stopped breathing.

Her passing was very peaceful. She died in a quiet room, with God’s love all around her. I called Norm, Sandi and she called Ron. Dad went to get Ron. Dad went to her side; Ron gave grandma a kiss on her forehead. Sandi stood by her side and wept. They all had said their goodbyes and were at peace.

It was about 2 a.m. when the Hospice Intern Chaplain came in. Apparently he gets the night shift. The nurse called the funeral home and she had tears in her eyes. “I’ve seen this many times and I still am moved to tears,” she said. She explained that Grandma would be taken to the morgue when we were ready. They then would care for her as they should and bring her to the funeral home. It was decided we’d do a memorial service at the Funeral Home with Pastor Christine who sang over her while I was there and the Pastor who presided over many services at chapel that Grandma attended every week.

Since, I had committed to an event in Minneapolis on Friday a.m., I had to return to Minnesota for the evening. Before I did, Sandi suggested I go with her to Grandma’s and pick out her funeral clothes. I told dad to not forget her glasses and teeth. They’d need all of those things when preparing her for the funeral. I asked Dad and Ron if they had a preference as to what she should wear. Dad suggested something red. She did love red. I remembered buying her a red blazer after Grandpa died for Easter. I commented once that she hardly ever wore it. She told me she was saving it. 

We found a silky white blouse with embroidering on it and the red blazer with white piping. Sandi found some black pants, commenting that no one sees the pants anyway. She looked lovely in her casket. Her hair was white and curled lovely, just like she’d like it. I noticed her nails were shining with the clear polish I used the day before. She didn’t have the right color lipstick; they used pink and I think she would have preferred red. But other than this, she presented herself one last time on this earth with grace.

I think of Grandma often and miss her.